


If I Fall (So You Can Fly)

by EarthIsADeadThing, She_Likes_To_Write (EarthIsADeadThing)



Series: Septiplier Oneshots From Hell [2]
Category: Real Person Fiction, Video Blogging RPF, Youtuber RPF
Genre: Alpha Mark Fischbach, Alpha/Beta, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Beta Sean McLoughlin, Beta/Beta, Bottom Sean McLoughlin, Character Death, Depressed Sean McLoughlin, Dom Mark Fischbach, F/M, Implied Consent, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Sean McLoughlin, M/M, Marking, Minor Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Not Beta Read, Omega Verse, Polyamory Negotiations, Random & Short, Scent Marking, Septiplier AWAY!, Short, Short & Sweet, Virgin Sean McLoughlin, Worried Sean McLoughlin, implied polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:42:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21805372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthIsADeadThing/pseuds/EarthIsADeadThing, https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthIsADeadThing/pseuds/She_Likes_To_Write
Summary: None of it matters now, he was naive, and this was the price he had to pay for it, maybe ignorance didn't always mean bliss.Even love's blindness should have seen this coming.Maybe he should've stuck to loving betas.
Relationships: ChaoticMonki | Cryaotic/Felix Kjellberg, Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson, Mark Fischbach/Sean McLoughlin
Series: Septiplier Oneshots From Hell [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1579813
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23
Collections: Septiplier Madness





	If I Fall (So You Can Fly)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Myself (Merry Christmas)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Myself+%28Merry+Christmas%29).



When he was younger, it had already been obvious he was only ever made to be a beta, told that he would likely settle down with a female beta and have beta children, but they all made that sound so great, that was what he thought he had wanted for longer than he could remember.

Until he finally started to question that he'd always been taught that men and women were supposed to be together, and women were never meant to be with other women, just as two men were never supposed to be together, but then he met Felix.

That man was in love with another, the pair were both betas and yet they never seemed strange, not in their own world, and the more time he spent with them, the more he saw that their relationship was just as loving and real as any monogamous relationship could have been, but that was just it, wasn't it?

Just because he had been taught a certain thing, didn't even mean that it was right, did it?

He had to learn that the difficult way.

Or how he had thought he was dirty, wrong, disgusting, for so long when he had it all finally worked out, he had always known there was something different about him, no one else in his years as a teen seemed similar to him, never in his small school in the middle of Ireland, no...

Well, maybe he was just unlucky, growing up in a place that never really... Accepted that sort of thing, so the most he could do was question himself until he went insane.

Of course, knowing he preferred men only made his life that much more difficult, in this world where he couldn't even explain his own job without being questioned, what else was he supposed to say?

He was an entertainer?

He made videos on the internet?

He played video games?

No normal person would ever take that as an answer, label him as immature and move on with their own little lives.

That was how it felt for so long, even if he did have his channel, his fan base, and all of those were more than supportive of him, they always felt so far away, out of touch, he never saw them for who they were, all he could say was that they were usernames who had seen his face so much, but he couldn't put a face to the usernames he spoke to so often.

It was a strange sort of feeling, to know that he had no idea who these people really were, those who he was talking too for so much of his life, and he had no idea if he was really talking to the person they told him they were, or even if they were only liars, they could be, and he would be none the wiser...

But he didn't care, for some odd reason.

Maybe he felt that alone, as to be so desperate, but he couldn't lie, pretend he wasn't one of them, one of those faceless names in a crowd flocking around the people on Youtube, on the internet, trying to talk to them because these people make up so much of your life and you want a chance to meet them, it's almost surreal, because he does it too, he started YouTube because of Markiplier, one of the others on the platform.

The inspiration was from him.

He remembered the day well when he finally had a chance to speak to the people he admired so much, even from his home in the middle of nowhere in Ireland.

Mark followed him, and Felix followed only two days after, it was like his dreams had managed to come true through all of it, his channel was thriving, and he got a chance to really meet those whop he looked up to so much, because the next convention, he would finally be on par with them, finally get to meet his own fans for once, the one thing he wanted most.

It was almost like fate was trying to lull them together, not that he minded because he had always had something going on inside of him, something about Mark just... Drew him in, before Mark found out he couldn't drink, the first time they met, managing to end up in the same hotel, and when they went out for a meal with their friends, maybe they did have just a little too much to drink, weren't thinking quite right, at least, that was how he tried to brush it off.

So what if he didn't go into his own hotel room that night, but stayed in one only down the hallway, one belonging to a certain alpha he recently had a chance to meet, in the same bed as one Mark Fischbach?

It had been somewhat of a mistake, at least, that was what he told himself when he woke up in a room that was not his own, with arms around him that definitely did not belong to his girlfriend at the time, he wasn't at home at all, and that wasn't his partner, no, those arms were holding him up to a broad chest, that wasn't right, even if a more relaxed part of him told him to just go back to sleep, he felt so comfortable, and wanted...

Those arguments with his girlfriend over the long-distance factor of their relationship was putting more of a strain on him than he had realised.

This was just what he needed.

But he couldn't have it.

Maybe that was why he was slipping out the grip, holding him by the waist, hoping he didn't make too much of a sound when he tried to stand, only to fall to the ground beneath his feet, yes, he knew this man was an alpha, automatically making him the bottom of the pair, but he hadn't been prepared for the spark of pain, surprising him and causing his legs to buckle and give out, but he eventually got himself up, dressed, and out of the damn hotel room and back to his own, finding a shower really helped with the ache.

He would be fine, just forget about it, maybe Mark wouldn't even remember and he could pretend it never even happened.

But that didn't mean that everyone else didn't see the slight limp to his walk, the way his hair was sort of stunted in a peculiar and noticeable way, or even how he had just decided to walk as little as possible that day, only standing if he absolutely had to, and he knew that Mark knew why he was like that, just from the looks he kept giving him when he thought Seán wasn't looking, but that didn't mean that they were looks of regret, no, something very different from that.

Want.

Someone really wanted him, the alpha he had wanted to himself for so long, but he knew how stupid it was to think it would ever become something more, but that small, hopeful part of him had been sure he could convince Mark to take it further, to mark him, take him as his own, even if he couldn't give him children as he wanted, they could adopt, or find another way to have a happy family, right?

Of course, when the next night was only a repeat of the last, he didn't try and get away this time, settling where he was and waiting for the Korean to open his eyes too, his own heart hurting when he saw the surprise in Mark's eyes because he had actually stayed this time.

He couldn't convince Mark for the life of him that he didn't need caring for, but some part of him liked it, Mark insisted he showered with him, and that he was the one to buy him breakfast, wanting to look after him, and he let it happen, maybe that was his first mistake.

Or maybe it was starting YouTube in the first place.

But he knew Mark saw him, touching at his neck and looking in the mirror, searching for a bite that wouldn't be there, even if the alpha never commented on it, at least, not the first time it happened. He hadn't even known Mark was watching him, he was only idly thinking anyway, just checking whether Mark had marked him, even if he had doubted it, it was only their second time together and Mark knew he had a girlfriend, why would he have bonded him? 

It didn't stop him wondering.

The third time was the one he remembered the best, the first time they had been intoxicated, the second time was in a rushed haze and he was tired, but the third time was their last night being together and they wanted to make the most of it, meaning he really did remember it, Mark was so loving, gentle with him, and yet somehow perfectly rough too, not going too easy on him...

He always liked to play with fire.

The next morning, he had checked his neck again, a hint more desperation in his eyes, but he made sure Mark wasn't watching him this time.

They never spoke about what they were, what they were doing, and maybe that was what brought their run to the end.

That was their weakness, there was never any communication between them, for even if they could be the best of friends, they never said anything of the sort of relationship blossoming between them, they were friends by day and what... fuck-buddies by night?

Or was he the toy for Mark to use?

Because he knew most alphas only had sex with betas for the fun, the pleasure of it, very rarely settling down with one, betas saw catching an alpha as a real status symbol, making the others of their sub gender how they had managed to catch the attention of an alpha, was it their scent, or their looks?

He would always remember the sweet words Mark murmured to him as they finished with one another, just little things that he had always cherished, Mark holding him in his arms and telling him that he was beautiful, that he would love him more than anyone, but come by the morning and those words were muted, gone, no matter what else Mark did, he never once said he loved Seán.

Maybe he should have picked up on that sooner, but he had just thought Mark thought it was too soon or felt too nervous to whisper those three words.

He never considered that is was because Mark had ever intended to say them.

He was too caught up in the hazy love slowly clogging up his lungs.

He knew their friends picked up on it too, the way he warmed up to Mark so fast, tried to just get a little closer, to just put a hand on his arm or hug him, but Mark pushed him away and managed to play it off, he never allowed the two to touch in the day.

Maybe that should have been the fourth red flag, too many really, but he had been so blind and never thought anything was wrong, falling under his spell, like a siren.

Then they left the convention, the two spoke often, though it was usually only to play games or do collabs with the others, never addressing what was going on between them.

He dropped everything for the alpha.

But when he was alone, after recording or when he woke up at his desk from talking to Mark, he started to feel worse and worse, his girlfriend had no idea what he was doing and it was like some big secret, he talked to Mark at any chance he could, and in the process, he had started talking to his girlfriend less and less, he broke it off for that reason, as well as the fact he...

Didn't want Mark to hold back because he already had a romantic other.

She was fairly good at handling it all, admitting she knew it was falling apart, that they should just move on from one another, and he had no reason to object, he was the one leaving her, and even if they had managed to end it nicely, they never really spoke after that, never having a reason to.

He remembered telling Mark he had broken up with his girlfriend, he felt a sort of pride, thinking Mark would praise him, or tell him they could move a little further into their relationship, or at least hoping it showed his affection towards the alpha, showed he wanted whatever they were to be more permanent, to let the others know about them and whatever they were, but the response he got hurt him more than he could have imagined.

"Why?"

Okay, that had stung more than he cared to admit.

"Because I... Thought I was being disloyal to her, not wanting her in that way anymore, not with whatever we are becoming...?"

"Oh..."

He hoped that that response would have coaxed Mark into finally talking about what they were, put a label on them, fucking something to make him feel a little more hope, but it hadn't, in fact, that was one of the shortest Skype calls they had, clipped and uncomfortable as he tried to work out what he had done wrong.

He even remembered Felix trying to talk him out of his own insanity, not like that would ever work for him, but at least he made an effort to help him before this all went too far and out of his control.

"You can't really love him, you've only met in person once, not known him for long, and I... I don't think he loves you... I just... I don't want him to be using you, you know how few alphas will actually settle for a beta...?"

He had responded to that with venom, trying to make him see the bigger picture, Mark was different, he said, Mark would love him for who he was, he said, Mark really did love him and would commit to him, he said...

"Has he ever actually said 'I love you'?"

He just wasn't ready to say that yet...

...

Maybe that conversation was why Felix refused to talk to him any more than he had to to keep up appearances in the eyes of the public, but that felt sort of stupid to him, even if he made no mention of it.

but Mark mentioned it, making him feel all warm and fuzzy and more sure of his decision, Mark had realised something had been wrong, see, Mark did love him, was making sure he was okay... Right?

Of course, this idea was only solidified when Mark suggested he come back to America and stay in his home with him, just a few short months later, even if they had dragged to Seán himself, he more than jumped at the idea, though he did find it strange Mark assured they had a spare bed, thinking that maybe Mark just didn't want Ryan and Matt to know what they were yet, or maybe he thought that Sean himself just didn't want anyone to know about them yet, and a part of him appreciated that.

Of course, the first night he stayed, Mark had quickly got his hands on him, as soon as the sun was gone, and he had no objection to all of that, though he was getting more and more desperate to wake up with something, anything on his neck, even if it had not been permanent, not been enough to really bond them together, he would have taken it graciously, he knew even Mark was starting to realise how desperate he was for a bond, something for Mark to show he wanted them to be more permanent.

He even started begging for a bite when they finished their coupling, begging for a bond that Mark tried to avoid giving him as much as he could, and then when he finally left back home after a week of staying in Mark's home, still no bond or anything other than a couple of fading love bites proving that Mark had taken him at all, he finally realised.

Mark didn't really want him, did he?

If he did, he would have at least brought up the fact he was so desperate for his bite and his bond, not caring that he knew it would never work in some part of his mind because Mark had not knotted him even once, and he knew that an alpha could only ever knot with intention, Mark should have knotted him, if he had ever actually wanted him as more than a fuck toy to use and throw to the side, but he had thought that Mark maybe didn't knot, because he knew alphas could have a problem with that, or maybe there was some other reason, but he didn't care about any of it, as long as Mark appeared to want him, he would ignore all of the red flags, even if they stared him in the face.

Maybe it was because he was a beta and not an omega?

he had no idea, but he didn't care about any of that, Mark loved him.

Mark loved him.

Well...

maybe his mistake was ruining the bliss while he had it, he guessed that maybe ignorance really was bliss...

Because he had wanted to surprise Mark, a whole year later, wanted to visit him by surprise and turn up at his home, knowing they could be a lot more free as Ryan and Matt had moved out and Mark lived alone now.

At least, that was what he had thought, he knew where Mark kept his spare key and walked into the house silently, he was going to call out, at least, until he heard a sound that made his stomach drop and his heart choke up in his throat.

He'd recognise that growl anywhere, one he had become accustomed to, and then heard a moan in reply, one way too feminine to be Mark himself, and it didn't matter to him if he had a deep feeling of what was happening, he needed to see it for himself, for it to ever really register in his mind, so what did he do?

Walked upstairs as quietly as he could, but they had quietened down now, so he snuck the door open the smallest crack, and they were too wrapped up in one another to notice the small movement of the door for him to just be able to see in there, but there was one thing he noticed very quickly, he had...

He had knotted her.

An omega, with short blonde hair to her shoulders and dark brown eyes, she was fucking beautiful, and he knew what he saw.

She had a bond bite, one that had very recently been bitten into, and it made him want to throw up.

Mark had already claimed someone as his mate for life, the one he would only ever truly love over anyone else.

He had lied to him, told him he loved him when none of that could really be true, he didn't even feel embarrassed when he swung the door open wide and let Mark see him, a hiccuping, slobbering mess holding himself with his own arms, hugging himself tightly and tears running down his pale face, but the thing that hurt him the most was the uncaringness in those dark eyes he loved so much.

And then the woman spoke up, crushing his heart to dust.

"Oh, is this that whiney little gay bitch you've been using while I was still living in Ohio? Really is a shame, he's a pretty one, isn't he?"

She sounded so bored with the conversation already, and he hated it so much as Mark actually replied to her, especially with the things she said of him, homophobia curling into her words, turning them bitter, even sourer than they ever should've been.

"Yes, you know how antsy I get, I wish I didn't need him, but he really did feel good, even if he could never outmatch you, we both know who really has my heart, you're the one I give my knot to, the one I bonded to for life...~"

He didn't understand, but he had to ask this one thing before he fled, only one. Damn. Thing.

"D-did you ever really love me?"

Mark actually laughed at him, really laughed, as the woman joined in with him as if it wasn't odd for them to be in the same room, the smell of sex making him want to vomit and neither of them has any shame in letting him see their supposed love.

"Why don't you show him, Amy?"

She grinned and nodded, moving to the side so he could now see her obvious baby bump, and he felt the bile rise up in his own throat just at the thought of it all, even as Mark saw his heartbreak on his face and chuckled.

"You always wondered why I never gave you my bond or my knot, never once said I loved you, did you ever work out why? Or are you really so dense, no wonder you think I would have wanted to give you a bond bite...~"

"I k-knew you didn't want to give me one, I saw that but I didn't care, I thought you liked me enough, I didn't care..."

His words were lost as he trails off into silence, seeing the searing stares of two sets of dark brown eyes.

A pause.

"I might have fucked you, but I'm no liar, I wouldn't tell you I love you if I didn't mean it, I never once said we were anything serious, no more so than just a quick fuck, I thought you would have worked that out by now..."

The disappointment in his tone, he was genuinely disappointed, but he had been blind from his own love, they did say that love was blind, that could have never been truer for him, if only he had managed to work it out sooner.

Let's just say.

...

That was the same day Seán discovered he couldn't fly.

But that was okay.


End file.
